What Would You Do?
by poisonedbynight
Summary: James and Lily have a conversation two days before Halloween.


October 29, 1981

Waking up at five in the morning to the sound of Harry crying is common. Having James get up, too, is out of the ordinary. Surprised, I sit up in bed at the same time he does.

"I'll go see what he wants." He starts to pull down the covers, but I stop him.

"No, you go back to bed. I'll take care of him." This time, I go to get out of bed.

"Lily, every morning you get out of bed to see what's wrong. Let me do it this time. It's the least I could do for you."

I look up at him; his hair is flat on the side that he's been sleeping on, but together in clumps on the other side. When did he get so adorable? I reach my hand up and try to make it less lumpy. He leans his head into my hand so I'm cupping his head. He leans in closer and kisses me, leaning forward so he's pinned me down. I almost forget why I was up, until I hear Harry scream again. Since James is on top of me, he would be the first to get to Harry.

"Looks like I'm going to get Harry," he says. I can practically hear the smile in his voice as he walks towards the door.

"That wasn't fair."

He comes back over and bends down to give me a quick, deep open mouth kiss. "I'll give you 'fairness' when I get back."

"I guess I could live with that." I hear Harry scream again and James is out of sight.

"Oh, how I love you - both of you, for that matter. You're my boys." I'm not aware that I'm talking to myself out loud.

The crying stops, which means James did something right - not that I expected him to do anything wrong. James is a great father. Any child would be lucky to have him.

I slide out of bed and put my robe on. I don't bother to tie it up. I walk down the hallway to where Harry's room is. The door is open, and I can see James holding Harry in his arms. They look so much alike. Harry's hair is just as unmanageable as James's. Eventually, I just gave up on trying to make it look nice.

"I love your eyes, Harry. You are lucky that you have them. They balance out the hair. Now, your mother, gorgeous woman that she is, said that she is glad that you have this hair. She said that it will make some girl happy, which it will."

He goes on about his features while he holds Harry. I creep towards him, silently, so he won't know that I'm there. He still isn't wearing a shirt, much to my pleasure. I stand on my tiptoes, place my lips to the base of his neck, and trace a small line with my tongue.

He shivers and sucks in a big gulp of air. "Lily, you scared me. What are you doing up? I said that I would take care of him."

"I know. I just wanted to see you in action."

"You only had to wait five minutes. You could've stayed in bed."

I slap his shoulder playfully. "I didn't mean it like that, and you know it."

"You're going to mean it in two minutes." He gives me his famous smirk and has a mischievous look in his eyes.

If a person saw that look, they would most likely back away in fear. Personally, I love it. It means that he is up to something - ever since we went into hiding, he has been wanting to do something. He hates being cooped up in this house, not being able to do anything to help. I feel this way, too, but I try to keep myself occupied.

The best part about the look in his eyes right now is that I didn't try to get him to do it. He did it out of his own free will.

"Maybe I meant now, or maybe I meant in two minutes. You'll just have to wait and see."

His lips part, and there is longing in his eyes. I love doing that to him. It doesn't take much.

I bend down and kiss Harry's forehead. "Good night, Harry; well, good morning, actually. Mummy will see you in the morning."

I walk out of the room without looking at James. I can taunt him better without looking at him. Every time I look into his eyes, I can't keep up the tease - I lose myself in his eyes.

I feel his gaze follow me out. I decide to move my hips more that I normally do. He loves it.

"Did you see that, Harry? You mother is a tease."

"Who said that I was teasing?" I leave him staring at me.

I walk out of the room and down to the end of the hall to my room. A small part of me feels bad for stealing him away from Harry, but the other part of me disagrees. Harry needs his sleep now.

I take off my robe and throw it one the floor a couple feet away; I can get it later. I lay down on my side of the bed and look at the ceiling. A minute passes, and he still hasn't arrived. That's a new record. Although Harry does that to James - he has that effect on people. He can keep you there with his charm.

I hear someone clear their throat at the door. I turn my head to the left and there he is, standing there with his arms crossed against his chest, leaning against the door frame.

"Aren't you coming to bed?"

"No, I like it where I am now." He has his famous smirk on his face again.

"Don't make me go over there and get you."

"I'd like to see you try." He likes taunting me, too.

I get out of bed and walk towards him. I stand in front of him, put my right hand on the back of his head, and trail it along the side of his neck. I continue it down his chest with my index finger and end at the waistline of his pants.

"I," I lean in closer with the word, "want," even closer, "you," closer still, "to come," closer, "to bed," closer yet, "with me." At the last word, my nose is very close to his nose.

I lean closer, like I'm going to kiss him, but I pull away at the last second. He comes in to meet me, but there's was no one there.

He stops leaning against the door frame to stand up straight. He isn't like that for long, though. I push him against the wall so hard that it probably hurts, and I push myself against him even harder. I deeply kiss him – much deeper than before – and pull away.

I get off of him and start to walk back to the bed, but he grabs my arm to stop me. He pulls on my arm and, a second later, I'm in his arms.

"Where did you think you were going?"

It works like a charm every time. "I was going back to bed."

"Not without me, you're not."

His hands travel down my back to my butt, and he picks me up. I wrap my legs around his waist. I finally give in and kiss him. I can't even tell that we're moving until I'm pressed against the bed.

"I think that this is enough fairness for now," he says against my neck.

"Okay."

He stops kissing me and looks at me weirdly. "What?"

I take this chance to flip him so I'm on top of him. "You're losing your touch, Potter."

He weasels out of one of my hands that are pinning him down. "You still think that I'm losing my touch?"

His hand travels under my waist in a way that should be illegal. I let my head drop so it is touching his shoulder. I let out a soft moan against my will.

"What was that, Potter? I didn't hear you." I still love it when he calls me that. Sometimes he says it dirtily, which makes me shiver, like it did just now.

"You're not losing your touch," I whisper.

"What was that? I still didn't hear you."

"You aren't losing your touch," I almost shout.

I look up at him; he's smirking. "Good."

He leans up to kiss me and I gladly let him. He uses the hand that he got free to wrap around me under my shirt. I let go of his other hand and he uses it to take my shirt off. We stop kissing only a second.

"I love you, Lily."

He never once goes a day without saying that. Not even when we were still in school - not once did he not say it. If he was on a mission where no one was around him, then he would send me a patronus saying those three words.

"I love you too, James."

The sun is already out by the time I get up to take care of Harry. I sit up and look around; I'm on the floor.

"James, why are we on the floor?"

"Mmm, what?" His eyes are closed and he's still half-asleep.

"How did we end up on the floor?"

"Well, it was during the time when I was demonstrating my awesome love-making skills, if I remember correctly." He's obviously trying not to smirk, and I snort.

In big green numbers, the clock on my nightstand reads 8:58. I lift my head off James' arm, on which I had been resting my head, and lift up his other arm that's wrapped around me so I can get up.

"You are the one who isn't fair."

"And what did I do that isn't fair?"

"You just got dressed in front of me. There should be a law against getting dressed in this house hold."

"I don't think that that is a good idea."

I leave before he could continue the banter anymore. I walked down the hall to Harry's room. The walls are blue and there are little baby Bludgers and Quaffles all around - and even a Snitch on the ceiling. Harry's in his crib playing with one of his toys. He's chewing on the tail of his favourite toy, a Hungarian Horntail. Remus got it for him - he says that Harry needs to have at least one manly toy.

"Look at you, my young man - playing with a Hungarian Horntail. You're growing up so quickly. You're also very handsome. All of the girls will be chasing after you."

He looks up at me with his bright green eyes as if he understood me. "Mummy."

"Yes, that's right, I'm your mummy."

I pick him up and take him downstairs to get food. His favorite is mashed potatoes, so I always keep a bowl ready. I blame Sirius for this one. James and I were needed for a small mission, and we had Sirius baby-sit for us. I spoke against it, but James said that Sirius could indeed do it. I love Sirius, and I would trust him with my life, but I don't feel so good about him being alone with Harry. He may be one hell of a fighter, and I know that he would die for Harry, but Sirius is a kid himself. When he is dealing with stuff from the Order, you won't find anyone better for the job; but, at home, he is a kid.

He had to watch Harry for only two days. _Two days._ In those two days, he changed Harry's eating habits completely. Sirius didn't understand how to work Harry's food, so he decided to give him leftovers from the fridge. For two days, all Harry ate was mashed potatoes.

Now, if I want to give Harry anything to eat, I have to give him mashed potatoes also. I put the bowl of heated mashed potatoes and the bowl of mashed peaches on the table in front of Harry. I get a spoonful of peaches and hold it to his mouth. He shuts his mouth and shakes his head, obviously saying no.

"The only way I'll give you your potatoes is if you eat your fruit," I say. He opens his mouth almost instantly.

"Harry," I say, giving him his peaches, "you are one picky eater."

He eats all of his peaches, so we move on to the mashed potatoes. I bet Sirius put him up to it - he probably taught him only to eat mashed potatoes. He's definitely getting an earful from me the next time I see him.

"We have one smart child," James says from behind me. "He must get that from you." He bends down and gives me a kiss on the cheek before he sits down.

"Thanks, honey, but I think he gets this from Sirius."

"Is there something that you haven't told me?"

I start laughing, the first real laugh that I've had in a long time. What I said came out completely wrong.

"Didn't I tell you that I'm in love with Sirius, and Harry is actually his child? No? I must have forgotten to mention it, although I thought you might have figured it out from the way he looks totally unlike you," I say, it in a joking way so that he knows that I'm kidding.

"I'll just have to give him a piece of my mind the next time I see him, then." His voice is dripping with sarcasm.

"This isn't a good thing. He needs to eat more than mashed potatoes. Well, at least he has something to eat. We're almost out of everything. We'll need to go into town soon."

He shakes his head back and forth. "There will be no 'we' in this. There is no chance that you are going anywhere out of this house. You heard what Dumbledore said - we need to be in hiding. That's why we are in this house all the time. Under no circumstances are you leaving the house. I will be the one to go get the groceries."

He always does this. He always puts himself in danger so I don't have to be. I'm about to protest, but he cuts me off.

"Lily, don't even say anything. I'm not changing my mind on this. You aren't going anywhere. I will be going to go get the food, okay? Good."

I know that there will be no point in arguing - but when he comes back, he will be on the receiving end of one of my lectures.

"Fine, but you are going to disguise yourself as a balding, middle-aged man." I had to make it at least a little bit hard for him, right? He is way too obsessed with his hair for a man.

"Thank you. I'm going to go as soon as I get ready. There won't be too many people there in the morning." He bends down and gives me a quick kiss on the forehead – and one for Harry, as well.

"Now, you don't spit on your mother," he says to Harry. "It's not nice." Harry cracks a smile, and James leaves the kitchen.

Of course, he just had to jinx it. Harry spits out the bite that I gave him. He starts laughing a cute baby laugh that's contagious. I knew that he would end up like his father. There was never any doubt about that.

I wipe up the mess he made, and continue to feed him. When he gets full, he always makes little fists with his hands. Sometimes, he knocks over his food as well, but this time, he just made his little fists.

I just sit there and watch him. He is so beautiful. I love him more than anything. The only one who comes close is James. On a scale from one to one hundred, Harry would be one hundred, of course, and James would be ninety-nine-and- three-quarters.

I'm suddenly interrupted when James comes back down the stairs.

"Are you going to do the honors?" he asks me.

"I'll do it."

I walk closer to where he's standing and start to change his features. He now has slight wrinkles and had no hair on the top of his head, only on the sides. I change his clothes to look more like an older person and not a twenty-one year old.

"You better come back to me, okay?" I say to him.

"I wouldn't even think about the possibility of staying out an hour later than needed."

He bends down to give me a kiss and I let him. He kisses like James, and I know that he's James, but it still doesn't feel right. I pull away from him quicker than I normally would.

"I'm sorry, but this is just too weird for me."

"I understand. Tell Harry that I love him. I don't know how well he'll take it to see a different man kiss you." He starts laughing at the end, as if remembering some private joke.

"I will. Don't take too long."

"Lily, I'll be back in a couple of hours. This isn't the last time that I'm going to see you."

"I know it isn't, but what if something happens to you?"

"Nothing is going to happen to me." He bends down and gives me a quick kiss on the forehead before he walks out the door.

I watch out the window as he walks away from the house and out of sight. He'll be okay, I knew he will. He just has to be. I walk back over to Harry to distract myself.

I pick him up and walk to the living room, where all of his toys are. I sit down on the floor and stand Harry up.

"Harry, this is your chance. You can learn to walk without your father laughing at you every time you fall. So, start moving those little legs of yours!"

James means well when he laughs at Harry - sometimes it's just too funny when it happens. After all, he always picks him up when he falls down.

I let go of his hands and he was stands on his own. He takes two steps and falls face-first onto the carpet. He doesn't even let out a cry. He only starts to laugh at himself.

James has a big influence on him. He does everything that he does. One time, James belched - Harry immediately mimicked him with a bigger belch. Harry also copies his language - James once accidentally let slip 'bloody hell,' and Harry picked up on it. Harry said it the last time Sirius visited, and that changed his mood considerably, considering what he was there for.

Harry picks himself up and tries again. This time, he makes it to the other end of the room before he falls on his bottom. He puts his fingers in his mouth and starts to giggle.

"You did it, Harry! Wait till Daddy sees this. He won't laugh at you anymore."

I walk over to him and scoop him up into my arms. I blow on his stomach and he laughs.

"You like that, don't you?" I sit him down on the couch and tickle him. The only spot he's ticklish is his stomach. His arms and legs fly everywhere as he tries to escape my tickles.

A piece of my hair falls out of my ponytail and onto Harry's face. He grabs it in his tiny hands and starts to play with it. After changing it back and forth between hands, the strand of hair goes in his mouth. He likes redheads. He will only chew on hair from a redhead - Remus was the one who came up with this conclusion. He noticed that he only chewed on my hair, whilst he only played with everyone else's hair.

James brought up a good point. "What if he only likes to chew on the hair of beautiful women?"

"Then he would be chewing on Alice's hair too," Remus pointed out. He's always been good with flattery.

He eventually came to the conclusion that Harry likes redheads. Later that day, they had poll on when he would get married, and if she would be a redhead. I pointed out to them that he could have a husband, which ended in an argument between Sirius and me.

Eventually, Harry gets tired of my hair and he rolls away from me - sadly, he rolls a bit too much, and I have to catch him before he falls. It was a close call, too.

I set him on the floor and let him play with the toys that he wants. We had to hide his toy broom that Sirius got him - he would just get on it and break everything in sight. The smile that he has on his face when he flies is worth it, though. I can tell that he is going to be a Quidditch star when he grows up. James is positively ecstatic about that - he says that he will be the best player that Gryffindor has seen, besides himself, of course.

Since his toy broom is on the highest shelf of our closet where Harry can't reach it, he is playing with another one of his stuffed animals. This one is an original teddy bear, and he's currently hitting the bear's head against the floor. I start laughing, and his green eyes meet with mine and encourage him to keep hitting the bear. He likes to entertain people very much like his father does. I wonder how many letters I will be getting from Hogwarts saying that he's been up to something.

What if I don't live to get letters from Hogwarts? What if I wouldn't be there to see if his wife has red hair? _You need to distract yourself better than this, Lily,_ I tell myself. I don't want to disturb Harry, so I grab a book that's lying near me. I pick it up and start to read it. I don't even know what it's called, except that it's a cheesy romance novel that has a happy ending – I know better than most people that not every romance story has a happy ending.

I look back over to Harry to make sure that he's still there. His tiny little bottom is facing me, and he's crawling towards the kitchen. I get up and put him back near where his teddy bear is sitting.

I go back to page thirty-two of my novel. So far, the main characters have confessed their love for each other at sunset on a secluded beach. Nothing in the real world happens like that.

I check back with Harry, and he's crawling back and forth across the room. It's like he is in his own personal race. It's a very funny sight to see, and I hold in my laugh so he won't stop. I'm afraid that I can't hold it in for much longer, so I go back to my book.

At page seventy-four, the hero just gave the heroine a four-thousand dollar diamond ring that's apparently one-of-a-kind. They decide on a beach side wedding. She just has to have the best there is.

Why am I even reading this book? How did I even get this book? I look on the inside front cover. It has some name that I can't even read on it. So, it was a gift from someone who knows that I like to read - but doesn't know what I like to read.

I put the book down because I can't take it any longer. I look around the room for Harry, and find him sleeping on the floor in the corner of the room. In the position that he's in, he will wake up with a sore neck.

He looks just like his father when he sleeps. You can't see his green eyes. His hair is always messy, and he even has the exact same skin colour as James. His face is peaceful, like his dad's used to be before he joined the Order. Now James doesn't look peaceful when he sleeps - his expression is always guarded, unlike Harry's. Harry's hand is at his mouth, and I can't tell if he was sucking on his thumb. He normally doesn't.

I walk over to where he's curled up into a ball of blue fabric. I pick him up in my arms gently so he won't wake up. I walk carefully up to his room to put him in his crib. He stirs easily, so I have to be extra careful on the steps. I set him down next to his favourite toy. He curls up into another ball and continues to sleep.

I leave his room with nothing to do. There is no way that I'm going back to that book. It was terrible to read. I realize that I'm not dressed yet, so I go to my room. A sudden urge to sleep comes to me. I don't have anything better to do, and it would cut the time off from waiting from James to come back. I lay down on my side of the bed and pull the covers over me. The bed feels less warm without James, there but I still manage to fall asleep.

I'm having a terrible dream where James never came back. He was found dead with the Dark Mark over him in town. Over and over again, I see him die. It's different ways every time - once it was _Avada Kedavra_, and the next is _Crucio._ Those still aren't the worst ones - the Death Eaters capture him and use Muggle ways of torture. They just keep coming and coming, and I can't wake up.

I don't know how long I've been thrashing around, but I wake up, feeling very cold. I sit up in bed, and I'm breathing heavily with sweat coming off my forehead. There are no covers on the bed; they are all in a pile at the base of the bed where James and I were lying earlier today.

James is alive. It was just a dream. He is still alive, and he will come back to me. The clock on my night stand reads twelve forty-seven. I slept for longer than I thought I did, but that's a good thing. It shouldn't be that much time until James is home.

I hope Harry hasn't been crying while I was taking a nap. He doesn't like being ignored - another thing he takes after his father. I wonder what he gets from me besides the eyes. If he's gotten something else from me, he's not showing it. Now I have nothing to occupy my thoughts. I have time to worry about James.

I get out of bed and stretch. My shoulder is cramped badly. I can barely move it without it hurting. James will have to rub it when he gets back.

_If_ he gets back. He could have died already, and I wouldn't have known. He could've been in trouble, and I wouldn't have been there to help him.

What would I do if he died? How could I raise Harry without his father? I can take care of him just fine, but he looks up to James. James is the one who can make him do things that he doesn't want to - I can't.

What would I do? How could I go on without him? I can't live with half of myself missing. Yes, that's what he is – half of me. I don't think that I could manage it. We've been through so much together - probably more than one person has in their entire lifetime, and we are only twenty-one. Tears are falling down my face now.

I look up quickly when something small hits the window. It was just a leaf that was blowing around that got stuck. I walk over the covers that have fallen to the floor over to the window to open it. There are lots of leaves flying around in the wind. It must be very cold outside – the wind is piercing. When I open the window a small crack, cold air hits me, making me shiver. I push the window up all the way to get to the leaf. It comes off easily - all it took was a touch. I watch it fly away with all of the other leaves.

I stay next to the window to watch the leaves. Some of them stay back along the ground and refuse to leave, and some of them blow away, never to return again. The leaves are like children - they leave their mother when they're ready to, and don't come back, or they stay around near their mother even after they have left. Those are the only two choices there are: Leave and don't come back, or leave and come back. Gods, I hope Harry comes back.

That is, if we're alive for him to come back to. It's more than likely that we won't last till the end of the year - the darkest wizard of all time is chasing after us. We're only protected by one person - a person who turns into a rat. That isn't very reassuring. The one thing that is saving my family is a person who turns into a rat.

The streaks on my cheeks from the tears make my cheeks cold from the wind. My face keeps getting colder as the tears get bigger.

Suddenly, someone wraps their arms around my waist and pulls me close to them. I know those muscles - I could describe every part of them. His scent is what gave it away, though; I could pick his scent out of thousands of people.

I take a deep breath so my voice won't shake.

"What would you do if we died tomorrow?"

He takes a step away from me, but still keeps me in his arms. "What?"

"What would you do if you knew that we died tomorrow?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"Don't give me that, James. You know that we are going to die soon. There is no point in pretending that we aren't."

He turns me around so I'm facing him. He uses his thumbs to clean up the tears that are still coming from my eyes before he speaks. "We aren't going to die, Lily. Peter won't turn us in. He'd rather die than do that."

He tells me that over and over again, but I still don't believe it. When he came over last week, he was jittery. Imagine what he would do when a Death Eater confronted him - he can't even keep himself together when he is with his friends. How can I trust him?

"James, that's shit, and you know it. You know that we won't make it to the end of the year. Will you stop telling me that we will be okay? You know that I'm right. So will you please tell me what you would do if we died tomorrow?"

"Do you want to know what I would do if we died tomorrow? I would do this."

He pulls me in closer for the deepest, most passionate kiss that we've ever had. I know that we're going to die, and die young, but I also know that whatever happens to us, we'll be together forever, no matter what.

* * *

_A/N: At MuggleNet this won best canon romance story (I'm ron lover over there). What do you think of it?_


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